39 year old; single; writer; seeking long term relationship; witty emails exchanged; no telephone calls...
The Date
Mr "W" arrives in his Wange Wover! He is smartly dwessed and gweets me with a kiss on my cheek. He has a warm, fwiendly face and I instantly like him. Then he asks me if I would like a dwink? There is a moment of silence...whilst my mind computes what I am hearing. Ignore it...ignore it...my mind is scweaming at me! I am not prejudice or judgmental at all, and I am far from perfect. I guess because me and Mr "W" did not speak on the the phone ahead of our date and he failed to mention he does an expert impression of Jonny Wossy, I am slightly taken a back. My composure contained, Mr "W" walks off to the bar to order our dwinks, probably relieved that I didn't order a wed or wose wine, wodka with wed bull or wum and coke! White wine...perfect...straight forward. I must point out that I have an ability to put my foot in it, for example when I met my girlfriend's now husband for the first time, I opened the door and exclaimed "Oh my Gawd, are you alright, you look like you've been in a fight!?" He responded "No it's a birth mark" (He in fact has a small birth mark under his left eye, which could look like a black eye if you are a social cretin like me!") To claw back rapport from that opener was a task and half, that said I made it to their wedding so all must be forgiven! Anyhoo back to Mr "W"...we talk about his work and his writing (thank gawd he's not a high wanking officer in the Woyal Air Force I find my mind wondering!) His previous welationships have been successful but run their course and he is looking for the whole package. He is a lovely chap and very witty, actually he is hiwawious!!! He weally, weally makes me laugh!!! Having said that Wicky Gervais makes me laugh, as does Wussell Bwand but laughter alone is not enough for me, hey if laughter was the only answer to love and lust then Woody Allen wouldn't have had to marry his own daughter, now would he? As we say our farewells and Mr "W" clambers back into his Wange Wover and I wave him off feeling quite wivetted from his banter and tales, I sense that I am still searching eyes and ears weally wide open....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No offense, but give it up. It is BLINDLY clear that you are doing this 100% so that someone will come along and say "Gee, this would make a good movie" - your Twitter posts are even written as though you are writing copy/advertisment for it. Put it this way, it is so smack-me-in-the-face obvious what you are doing that if you are *not* doing this in the hopes Mr. Movie Producer will come along, then really, it's quite sad.
ReplyDeleteBut I suspect you will deny it, and continue pitter pattering away.
Yea. Good luck with that.
Hey Jessica
ReplyDeleteThank you for your compliment that my internet dating exploits and writing are worthy of a good, no let's make that a great blockbuster movie!
No offence taken...2 birds one stone is the phrase I believe so if Mr Right and Mr Movie Producer rock up in the next 50 or so dates lucky me, eh! Oh and by the way, pardon me for enjoying creative writing along with my search for love...what is it you do again?
Dear Isabella,
ReplyDeleteIts like some one saying "I don't mean to be rude but...I'm going to!" Dur?! Clearly creativity with Jessica lacks immensely...how sad! Maybe if she used a few of the dating sites you do she wouldn't be so uptight!!
Jessica I have a real money spinner for you, stick a piece of coal up your arse I guarantee you'll have a diamond with in a week!
Isy I love your dating escapades keep up the brilliant stories they are side split tingly funny!
Your newest fan Molly
xx