Mr Wedding Guest

40 years old; divorced but amicably; IT entrepreneur; ex-Harrier Pilot; intelligent; sensible; intense; considered and controlled; emotionally removed, probably due to Harrier Pilot School training!!! This is the Elite darlings!!!

The Date
High risk...high reward goes the saying. So I found myself in a predicament. I am going to a wedding tomorrow and my best girlfriend who was accompanying me is unwell. I have made the emergency booty calls to my other girlfriends who have plans. Crisis - do I go alone - singleton alert to a wedding. I don't think I can face the stigma of it. So I log on and I fire out a handful of emails to unsuspecting gents aka potential wedding guests. It's short notice, there's no time to meet beforehand, it's potentially crazy and could be really uncomfortable if we don't hit it off but it's exciting and it's clearly essential as I cannot go solo, I am wedding guest plus one. So I send this: -

Welsh Wedding Date Tomorrow
Are you normal? Free tomorrow?

Pre-qualifying questions
1. Do you have a decent suit?
2. Mens shoes are important to me...school boy or clown shoes not cool.
3. Can you hold your own in social situations?
4. Can you dance? (not side stepping dad dancing!)
5. Can you tolerate a day with a high majority of very Welsh people?
6. Any history of mental illness, psychotic tendencies? (bonus points will be awarded for individuality!)
7. What's in the boot of your car?
8. Alcoholics, drug addicts and chain smokers need not apply.
9. Are you spontaneous enough to accompany me to a wedding tomorrow for a blind date with a difference!

Mr Wedding Guest's Email
I'm off to iron a shirt....

The Date
Mr Wedding Guest calls me at 9am. We are both giggling. He sounds nice and I tell him this is a crazy idea. He tells me as long as I don't mind him coming as his alter-ego Margaret (who only comes out at weekends!) then we should be fine. He says he has a great frock and killer heels for the party! Momentarily I freeze and it dawns on me just how crazy this idea is. I could be faced with a cross dressing wedding guest with a hairy chest, Adams apple and calves like a race horse. Hey what's the worse that could happen? Anyhoo, too late Mr Wedding Guest picks me up at 10am. He is actually quite good looking, trendy but not trying too hard. Salt n pepper hair, slightly dishevelled, designer jeans, battered leather jacket, sunglasses. I get in and off we go. He hands me the map. We both burst out laughing. Two strangers trapped in the car on a road trip to a wedding - it's just bonkers. Mr Wedding Guest has stopped off on route and grabbed a mini pack lunch for us both. I'm quite touched. He's even made us a Margarita cocktail in a flask to drink once we get nearer to the venue! I don't drink any of it but the gesture has not gone unnoticed. On the way to the wedding we literally do a 'This is your life' overview for each other. This is like speed dating but on the motorway!!! We laugh alot I notice and I think we are going to have a blast. We check in to the hotel. Awkwardness sets in. Yes we are staying in the same room and yet we only met 3 hours ago! Mr Wedding Guest suggests leaving me to it so I can pamper and get ready in privacy. I phone him once I'm ready and he quickly suits and boots up and we are ready to face the wedding party as another happy couple!!!

We hit the bar and find a corner and a couple of double Bombay Sapphires and Tonics!!! Conversation is still flowing well and we have a buzz about us. We sit at the back of the civil ceremony and giggle a bit at the hilarity of our secret situation. Once formalities are over, we approach the bride and groom. Mr Wedding Guest puts his foot in it for first time today. The groom has a birth mark over his eye and Mr Wedding Guest asks if he got that bruiser on the stag do. I manage to ease his clown shoe out of his mouth and make our excuses and hit the bar once more!

At the wedding breakfast a couple ask how we met....I pipe up that he's my Gynaecologist...there's a pause where the guests are waiting for me to say only joking but I don't. Mr Wedding Guest gives them all a knowing look, pops an olive his mouth and sucks his finger! It's a hoot. Mr Wedding Guest is perfect...he should be rented out. We head for the dance floor and boy do we rock! Mr Wedding Guest swipes my fascinator and cuts some manly shapes with feathers in his hair. We are battered by the time we crawl back to our room. We wake up top to toe still clothed and bloody hungover. We stumble down to a full English and hair of the dog, Bloody Mary's. What a riot. We'll definitely see each other again and on the drive home, Mr Wedding Guest says he will find it hard to out do my first date! Well after all these dates I suppose I am the expert!